I wish I could drown.
No, it's not about dying.
I wish I could be underwater, thinking about dying.
Maybe even get there, in the death, experiencing the darkness of nothing, the "no tears, no pain" life for a few seconds, then get back to live. Breathe in the air of a not-dead-anymore person, just for living in this paradise called "not being me" for some short time. The pleasure of having a second chance.
I'd like to drown and be under my biggest fear, wanting it to consume me and make me understand that it's stronger than me, and it can and will control me, and it will have my life in its arms, giving me no other option but giving up. I'd like to live something concrete. Somenthig harder than me. Something that shakes me up. Something that makes me wonder why did I ever had choices to make, if we're all going under the same strength that will make our bodys like dancers in a concert, doing premeditated and repetitive movements, going against rocks feeling any pain, without making any noise, and no screaming, and no air to breathe, and no end to choice, and no end at all but my body being sheeted by the sunshine of a new day rising over billions of other lifes wanting the same damn thing.
No, it's not about dying.
I wish I could be underwater, thinking about dying.
Maybe even get there, in the death, experiencing the darkness of nothing, the "no tears, no pain" life for a few seconds, then get back to live. Breathe in the air of a not-dead-anymore person, just for living in this paradise called "not being me" for some short time. The pleasure of having a second chance.
I'd like to drown and be under my biggest fear, wanting it to consume me and make me understand that it's stronger than me, and it can and will control me, and it will have my life in its arms, giving me no other option but giving up. I'd like to live something concrete. Somenthig harder than me. Something that shakes me up. Something that makes me wonder why did I ever had choices to make, if we're all going under the same strength that will make our bodys like dancers in a concert, doing premeditated and repetitive movements, going against rocks feeling any pain, without making any noise, and no screaming, and no air to breathe, and no end to choice, and no end at all but my body being sheeted by the sunshine of a new day rising over billions of other lifes wanting the same damn thing.
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